Saturday, April 09, 2005

So I married a (future) history professor

On the worst days, I wonder why my soul mate also had to be an academian. On the days when I'm not wallowing in self-pity, I know it had to be that way because the things that make my husband an academian are the same things I love about him. His knowledge, curiosity, dedication to understanding, courage to ask the big questions...the list goes on and on.

But today, alas, I AM wallowing in self-pity. The PhD grad and high school teacher can be a tough match sometimes. History PhD's spend their days throwing themselves into their work and then HOPING someone will like it. You don't know whether anyone else will appreciate it or not, and even if they do appreciate it, whether they be willing to pay you for it. You invest years in an unknown future. Why can't he be an accountant or mail carrier or something? In those jobs, they tell you what to do and how much they'll pay you for it. You do it, and VOILA -- you get paid, exactly what you had planned. Being married to a history PhD is nothing like that. I can only hope that someday my husband will make a decent salary. Beyond that, I hope beyond hope that it will be somewhere in Texas so I can be with my parents during their twilight years, attend all the niece's and nephew's functions, and hopefully raise my own children with the same sense of family I grew up with.

It goes the other way, too. If you are a history PhD, do NOT marry a high school teacher. Marry someone who makes some money. Then, there won't be so much pressure to do so yourself. Marry someone who doesn't come home everyday with their own set of baggage (and I mean that both literally and figuratively). That way when you need support you can count on it.

Sorry to be so sullen and despairing. The situation probably wouldn't be so bad if I didn't also desperately want kids, and the life to support those kids.